The grayness of the rainy day matched my mood as we drove to the first chemo appointment. Confessing to my husband that I really didn’t want to do this, was my first admission of fear. He assured me he felt the same way but he wanted me alive. If chemo would destroy the enemy in my body, than we must do it.
God could heal me and I wouldn’t have to travel this journey, but that did not seem to be God’s plan. God said, “I will never leave you or forsake you.” (Hebrews 13:5b) I knew He would be with us through this battle. Talking with God was a constant actvity.
The first of many blood draws left me weak and faint. More waiting, more praying. Then into “the” chair. Handing me a blanket and pillow, the nurse said, “just get comfortable”. Sure, right, surely she didn’t mean it. The needle went into my chest to connect with the port. Oh, I felt so sick, “Please Lord, give me strenght”, I prayed. He did. After several hours, the nurse helped me from the chair. “Just rest for the next few days, the third day will be your worst, and then you will start to feel better”. First chemo done. Seven more to go.
“Let all that I am wait quietly before God, for my hope is in Him. He alone is my rock and my salvation, my fortress where I will not be shaken. My victory and honor come from God alone. He is my refuge, a rock where no enemy can reach me.” Psalm 62:5-7