The PET scan showed cancer had spread to the lymph nodes. Surgery was to be first then the dreaded chemo. Facing surgery was bad enough but chemo was my real fear. The horrors I had only heard about were now to be my firsthand experience.
My family and pastor surrounded me as the surgeon prayed for me and for those participating in the surgery. As the doors swung open wide, the nurse wheeled me into the bright sterile operating room. I don’t remember any of the things the nurses were telling me. I just remember praying, “OK, Lord, You are the only one with me now and I trust you completely”. The feeling of peace settled in as the drugs began to put me to sleep. I knew He was there.
All the things I had already experienced, the nuclear PET scan, the shot that would cause the cancerous lymph nodes to glow, the report from the doctor to the surgeon that was wrong on the first page but right on the second page, did not prepare me for the shock after surgery. An ugly cut stapled together, with four tubes hanging where there was once a breast, made me feel faint. I wanted to cry, but not in front of my family, I had to be strong. I knew this was only the beginning. I really wanted to cry. I didn’t feel pain; it was the shock of the ugliness. I was not whole, how could my husband ever look at me again? “Lord, I need You.” Chemo, my greatest fear was yet to come.
“Why am I discouraged? Why is my heart sad? I will put my hope in God! I will praise Him again–my Savior and my God!” Psalm 43:5 NLT